Sunday, June 26, 2011

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Best of the Best Part 1

With most of episodes I’m going to have a “best of” compilation clip which some of the awesome MST3K fans have uploaded to Youtube.

Space Mutiny

A colonized ship travels through space, yet some of the inhabitants are unhappy with their existence. It’s mutiny…but it’s in space. Dare I say its Space Mutiny? Only a guy with so many muscles he can’t properly wipe his ass can save the inhabitants of this ship.

By a far margin, this is the best episode of Mystery Science Theater. There’s some – like Prince of Space that hold a special place for me – but most agree nothing is like Space Mutiny. It’s such a bad movie on it’s own; with Mike and the bots it becomes an infinitely watchable movie…I’ve seen it countless times, and it still makes me laugh. From the ships captain looking like Santa Claus, to the many names for David Ryder, there’s more LPM’s (Laughs Per Minute…. or even LPS, Laughs Per Second) than almost any other MST3K episode. Still this one is great from beginning to end. The entire movie needs to be watched, as there are just too many jokes.

Favorite Quote:

“Hey, she’s dead!”

Prince of Space

The malicious leader of planet Krankor has come to…well I’m not sure, something about needing a new type of fuel for space travel? Honestly I don’t know. Prince of Space is an acid trip of a movie. Strait from Japan, with the worst English dub available, this one is a piece of work.

Whether or not this was actually a good movie before it was translated is debatable. I’d say it wasn’t. Prince of Space tries to thwart The Dictator or Krankor – Mike and the bots just refer to him directly as Krankor. From Krankor’s ill-conceived plan, to the Prince of Space shooting people with what appears to be a grill lighter, this one is a superb B-movie. I rank it right up there with Space Mutiny for having the most LPM, but the travesty of a English re-dub is what really makes this one hilarious.

Favorite Quote:

“Is that a man?”

Crow: “Yeah, believe it or not!”

Riding With Death

Riding with Death is a pieced together show that failed to catch on; starring “cool as a cucumber” Ben Murphy and a cast that wishes it would stay the 70s for eternity. Jive talking, strait walking, and calling people “turkeys” were apparently the thing in the 70s. Riding with Death is like a time machine in that regard.
While it’s certainly a shoddy pieced together film, at least it wasn’t a long running mediocre TV series. That’s good, I guess. Ben Murphy was supposed to be the next big thing, or so the producers hoped. He can turn invisible and punch a person, that’s something. He also has the ability to befriend morons, and has a bun-headed ditzy girlfriend. The botched editing is one of the sticking points with this one, both episodes are loosely “bubble-gummed” together. Who cares though? Ben Murphy is the suave; jive talking foul that can carry any show. Oh, wait that didn’t happen. Too bad, yea turkeys!

Favorite Quote:

“The rare ‘Male Camel toe’”

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank

Starring Adam’s Families Raul Julia, who plays Aram Fingal in a movie that’s supposed to draw parallels to Casablanca – this steamer is possibly the best movie ever watched on MST3K…really it is, that’s just not saying anything. It’s still god-awful. I still don’t know what this movie was really about. Set in the future people have there minds “doppled” or transported into animals. Kind of like the Matrix, but instead of becoming “The One” you become a monkey. Who wouldn’t want that?

Instead Aram Fingal’s brain is lost in some super computer and he tries to outwit the system, and sabotage a corrupt corporation. Really it’s the hammy parallels that it steals from the classic film Casablanca that are so cringe worthy you want to vomit. Still the MST3K crew does this one justice as it’s got few dull moments thanks to the sheer number of stupid things that happen in this film. All I can say is if people are this dumb in the future, sign me up to have my brain transplanted with an elephant.

Favorite Quote:

“Just relax”

Mike” “I’m just going to bandsaw the top of your head off”

Agent for H.A.R.M

An American version of James Bond, only our hero spends little time globetrotting or wearing a tuxedo; instead he wears a cardigan/ sweater vest and just spends the entire film in an apartment. I’m not lying, that’s the entire film. Oh, but this ones a treat. H.A.R.M agent Adam Chance is so un-charismatic it’s painful; delivering stale line reads and having the glib smirk of a man that thinks he’s charming. Adam you’re just an ass!

Luckily Adam’s biggest foes are a midget and Prince. Not formidable, but H.A.R.M agents seem to posses the ability to stretch things out to needless lengths. From the final fight scene with Chance on a motorcycle playing chicken with a plane, to a villain that employs the “look over there” trick to great success, this is a cinematic turd that can’t be missed.

Favorite Quote:

Crow: “Was that the ghost of a cow?”

Escape 2000

Set in the Bronx…uhm the Bronx is located in Italy, right? Well in this film it is. The constant chant of “Leave the Bronx” is the general theme, and storyline for this film. Our hero, if you can call him that is named Trash, Moon W. Trash to be exact. Along with his friend Toblerone they aren’t leaving the Bronx. Besides they couldn’t possibly leave behind all their oily rags and garbage, such things are true valuables.

I’m not even sure this film had a script; most of the actors seem to be just crapping their lines out nonsensically. The people of the Bronx are being forcibly removed and gay Nazis seem to really be the only defense. Italy’s view of New York is strained to say the least.

I love this one for the awful acting, the terrible location (looks like they just filmed in the nearest dump), and the awesome Vampire/ Rat women reporter that is one of the central characters. Mike and the bots are constantly remarking on how she looks like Nosferatu, and they’re not too far off. God must have dropped the mold when he made her, and the stomped on it.

Favorite Quote:

“Things are looking bad”

Servo: “I’ll say!”

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