Quest of the Delta Knights
Literally nothing happens in this film. Really, there’s even a time lapse at one point. And nobody has aged or even accomplished anything of note. Some orphan is being trained in the arts of the Delta Knights: a group that sometimes speaks in old English and wears goofy hats…and they’re supposed to protect the world’s treasures, or some weird plot device. Most people don’t film a renaissance festival and call it a movie, but that’s what was done here.
Some list Hobgolbins up there with Troll 2. I’m not about to put it into that same majestic category of crappiness. It’s still awful, but the director and actors all seem to be slightly in on the joke, at least I hope so – if not who’d want to star in this garbage? A newly hired security guard unleashes mind-manipulating goblins from an abandoned studio lot; that’s your premise. As absurd as Hobgolins is, it’s bad enough to be good, if that makes sense?
Invasion of the Neptune Men
Another gem from our friends from the east, this one has feminine spacemen/ aliens trying to take over the world. Luckily a pack, literally a pack of children are able to stand in their way; Sonny Chiba as Space Chief helps out here-and-there too. I’m always game for some badly dubbed Japanese movies, but this one isn’t quite on the level of Prince of Space; it’s so similar to Prince of Space that Krankor even makes a cameo a host segments – who doesn’t love Krankor?
Another Russian/ Finish fairy tale. Despite the title, Jack Frost takes his time showing up in this one, that’s fine because there’s a lot going on to bide our time. A man getting turned into a bear by the living embodiment of Toad from Super Mario; a wickedly ugly family that berates its good natured and pretty child, and an old crazy witch (aren’t most witches crazy?) that lives in a spinning house with walking tree minions at here disposal. This film has it all, if weird pseudo Snow White type tales are your favorite, oh you’ll like this one. The creators had to be on acid.
The Mole People
The Mole People isn’t so much a film as it is a compilation. As it goes on more and more clips from other films (coincidentally ones that MST3K had already screened) are inserted as filler. It still stands on its own two feet as a cinematic avalanche to your eyes. Apparently archeologists know everything, or at least they think they do, because the lead won’t shut up throughout this thing. Some choice lines make this one stand out. Practically anytime the character referred to as “Load” gets mentioned it’s a good time. It does bottom out, literally, towards the end so most of the front is joke heavy – it’s still worth a view.
I recently re-watched this one and it’s even better then I’d remembered. Some punk kid gets a laser gun, or laser…arm…cannon…thing that turns him into a monster. He goes on a killing spree and decimates a small town. I know that sounds bad but not a single person in this movie is likeable, not even the guy who gets turned into a maniac. And when you can’t feel sorry for someone’s demise, well I guess you better laugh. This one also may have inspired Jim Carrey’s Mask years later…only without the mass murder part, leave that out.